I was supposed to have written something before 2007 closed, so that at least my series of 2007 entries would have some form of closure, and not end off on some random note.

Evidently, that did not happen.

As usual, I point my accusing finger at Work -- that greedy, evil thing that's constantly trying to encroach into my personal time, and many-a-times, emotional well-being. But I'm not writing today to rant about work (at least I'll try not to), especially not on a glorious afternoon on the first day of 2008.

Reflection at the end of each year freaks me out somewhat.

Ok, I was actually about to launch into yet another trite rant about how I've allowed work to consume me, how I'm beginning to find no more sense of purpose in my work, how I've looked back and found that my memory of 2007's been a giant blur, blah blah blah. But even I myself am sick of being a broken record. So, back to reflection, here goes...

Things in 2007 that could have been done better

1. Work

Yaya, back to my pet topic again... But no, Work is not making an appearance as the whipping boy of my misery today. I have no answers to my predicament as yet, but I do have some food for my own thought:

(a) If I'd try to stay more focused at work, maybe I'd be a more clear headed person to finish my work quickly. I realise I have this problem of getting distracted by peripheral issues that pop up unexpectedly (be it for other assignments or the existing assignment), such that I end up with like 5 issues on hand when I've only started off with one. Simplify, Jacq.

(b) I also think it is time I seriously and actively kept a lookout for job opportunities.

This is the year when I've experienced an entire rollercoaster of changes in my attitude towards my job. There was a period of single-minded dedication, but many-a-times I swung to the other end of the continuum, that is, repulsion. Of course, on most of days, I was just sick and tired, bordering on boredom recently and, horror of horrors, I think I'm slowly moving towards apathy.

I've once told myself that if I ever reached the point when I start counting down to knock off time, I really should get myself a new job. If only making a diagnosis were as easy as matching a symptom to a malady! Now that I'm displaying this symptom, there are other noises in the background telling me that it still might not be time, and that the cure isn't to quit. It's too complicated to go into details here, but bottomline is, the relationship I have with my job is love-hate. Sometimes I wished I could hate my job with single-minded clarity. That would make things a lot easier.

But whatever the case is, passivity is definitely not the way to go. It's good to have information, and sitting there doing nothing is certainly not gonna get me any!

2. Discipline AND time management

I’ve come to realise how important discipline is through a sheer lack of it in 2007. Self-indulgence gives you a high when you succumb to that once in a while, but when engaged in too often, you just end up feeling immensely wasted.

I often lament that my life is one-dimensional (work, work, work). If work is the culprit of my one-dimensional life, my wanting time management skills and lack of discipline are equally guilty. I'll have to admit, I've been REALLY lousy with my time management in 2007 (and discipline too).

There are just SO many things I want to do, but I keep getting this feeling that I'm running out of time, and in many instances, I do not even hazard an attempt because I'm just so afraid that I cannot commit my time. For one, I want to pick up Japanese again. But I haven't signed up for classes because I'm afraid I wouldn't have time for self-study. I told myself I'd take up Japanese classes after I'm done with my guitar, but my guitar course is not gonna end till another 9 months or so. That's a long time, and I'm not sure whether 9 months down the road, there'll be new commitments (be it work or otherwise), that'll prevent me from taking up classes. I'm kinda exploring the option of taking up classes after the peak. I don't wish to wait too long, because after Japanese, I intend to learn French (see what I mean? I want to do everything! Did I mention that I wanna try the keyboard too? But seriously, I should calm down. One thing at a time.)

And there it is, my guitar. I haven't been practising it as often as I ought to. Ok, sometimes, it's really a lack of time, but most of the time, I'll have to admit that it's a lack of discipline. Especially in the face of more alluring activities, like going out with friends, going online etc, I would dump my guitar for instant gratification. It's daunting when your barre chords continue to buzz after all these months, but darn it Jacq, that's all the more a good reason why you should be practising!

Then there's my reading. I haven't read as much as I'd like to in 2007. Fiction is one (I have more than 10 books from my Melbourne trip, of which I've read only 2), and the news is really another. It irks me how ill-informed I am about current affairs. I really should subscribe to the Straits Times online and make it a point to read it every day.

And of course, there's exercise. It's been months since I've exercised regularly, and that's making me feel EXTREMELY unhealthy. As usual, I point my accusing finger at Work, not wrongfully in all honesty, but I guess I could do better. Just gotta put in a bit more effort Jacq!

Goodness, 2008 looks set to be a REALLY busy year.

3. Anger management

This is one thing that I didn't do very well in 2007. Work has made my fuse shorter (there I go again, using Work as my favourite whipping boy), and less tolerant of other people's mistakes. I feel really ugly everytime after I've lost my temper. And sometimes I do say the most nasty things. So hold your tongue Jacq, if you have nothing good to say.

Things that went great in 2007

1. Melbourne, Brunei and Malacca/KL

This was the year I went crazy travelling. I did all 3 countries in a month, so much so that after Melbourne (my last destination), I diagnosed myself with travel fatigue. I told myself, No more travelling in 2007. But now that 2007 has come to a close, that old bite from the travel bug is itching again. This time, I'd like to visit some place where the culture is more different from home. Strangely, Melbourne felt very much like Singapore, whereas Brunei and Malacca/KL were simply too close to home. Japan the next time round, perhaps. And I'd really like to do a Holocaust trip in Eastern Europe some time too.

2. I picked up guitar again

Yeah, after a 7-month hiatus, I picked up that monster again. To hell with peak, I shall make it a point to practise. I'm not gonna suspend my classes this time round.

3. Fangirl-ism

This is the year when I took my fangirl-ism to new heights. I mean, I've been a fan to artistes, but never this crazy. The most unforgivable thing I did was to attend an autograph session thronged by thousands of screaming teenage girls. To think that I actually subjected myself to sweaty crowds just to watch somebody do 3 numbers and to get my CD autographed (!). My 17-year-old self would have thumbed her nose at this fangirly 25-year-old me had she seen this, but what the heck, if there's another of such event today, I'd go again in a heartbeat.

Actually I shouldn't be saying all these with any pride at all, because I am no longer a teen. Fangirl-ism is really not, and should not be, a thing for people my age. I should be dealing with my quarter-life crisis, no? Why on earth did I take up an extracurricular activity to distract myself from a crisis that is already so difficult to grapple with? Hell, I have no idea. All I know is, I really am enjoying fangirlism. What brightens up your day more than finding out that the person you've been following has released a new single, or that his new album is out, or that he's is coming to town for a concert? And it gets more exciting when you get to meet people from all over the world sharing the same fanaticism as you. Ah yes, I really am enjoying this. *screams*

4. People

One thing I'm really thankful for, I've got really nice colleagues. =) I guess that's one of the reasons why I'm so reluctant to leave my job even though I'm losing interest.

---

*steps back and takes a read*

Ok, I think I've just written an uber long entry. 2007 ain't all that bad, after I've put things into perspective. Could have been better, but I'll work towards that in 2008. 

I like how you tried to end on a positive note. But if things are really bad, you shouldn't go on deluding yourself...Anyways, did a 17-yr-old alterego just pop up to berate the 25-yr-old Jacq? What's your alterego's name? =)

it seems like the fangirling age group is starting to get older... makes sense if you think about how fangirling can be so expensive now... lots of releases, merchandise and not to mention it's being more international now and there might be a need to travel just to meet that artist. teenagers can't afford those... hehehe

u hv a point there. fangirling is becoming a sophisticated pastime :P